The fun they had at TEKCamp

An awesome week of meeting the best UK technical divers and learning from them

Diving in The Red Sea

Warm water, clear visibility makes for a great holiday!

Malinbeg Harbour

Often, the simplest local dives are the best.

Top 5 things you DON'T want to see scuba diving





Every now and again i have an elongated rambling / conversation with my eternal Twitter chum The Divemistress; an especially talented blogger from New Guinea or something; and I thoroughly encourage my many, many readers to go and read her rather splendid blog.




Periodically we have late night chats, over beers mostly, in the hope of coming up with winning blog content to make us both famous. Such fame was achieved in the "What's in my dive bag" post from way back, never to be replicated.





The following post has nothing to do with that conversation, well, not really.





As Tara and i were twittering away i was watching enduring a rather atrocious horror move - Anaconda. God it was awful; entertaining as figuring out how to lick my own elbow.

The next day whilst thinking about what to write about, it hit me - what would i NOT like to see on a dive; snakes featuring possibly on top of the list.

So, besides 'John Voigt eating' giant snakes, which bearing in mind his latest acting output isn't really a bad thing, what else would i least like to see?







TOP 5 THINGS I DON'T WANT TO SEE ON A DIVE





1. OTHER DIVERS


I appreciate diving is a sociable sport (yes, i said sport), which inevitably involves other people, and although i do believe myself to be a pretty sociable guy, sometimes i could see my diving peers far enough.


I love going out on a dive; taking a few blurry photos, shooting some poorly framed video, practicing some dodgey skills and so forth. However, more often than not my tranquil existence becomes interrupted by other divers. When i say 'interrupted,' i mean coming face to face with a charging mass of silt, filled with a dive club.


I'm DIVING! - WAHHHHHH!!!!!!


It fascinates me that divers can make such an absolute shambles of visibility in a relatively low silt area, remain together long enough to find me, and finally engulf me in floating debris. It is usually coupled with being beaten around the head by giant plastic reels, smbs, torches, pony cylinders, chain saws etc dripping from their badly fitted BCD as they clamber over the top of me.



I then receive a hearty 'OK" and a split fin in the face.



I hate them. I hate them all.






2. A DEAD BODY


I appreciate that coming across a dead body is tough enough at the best of times, but meeting one underwater would certainly be an interesting day out. It wasn't something i ever pondered, until a fellow diver noted 'some guy' had fallen into the lough a few weeks previously, and was never recovered.


Another reason why i hate other divers.


Strangford Lough is pretty bare on the sea bed. There is little or no geography at all, in fact it's pretty much flat; that is until our favourite ship wreck interrupts the landscape. If there was every anything that would snag a floating corpse - it's The Alastor.


On that memorable dive i recall finning along the walkway, anticipating coming face to face with 'yer man, the dead guy' and subsequently poo'ing myself as a cardiac arrest took hold.


"I see dead people" - fair play lad; but not whilst diving.




3. KRACKEN


I have seen pictures of lunatics diving with Humboldt Squid in dive magazines; which is about as close as i will ever get. Wifebuddy was equally bemused as i demonstrated how people with no brains were getting dive certs these days and diving with creepy red demons.


source: National Geographic


As if the 8 legged beasties weren't intimidating enough, Wifebuddy responded with;



"Yeah, they're pretty scary; but they're no Kracken."



"What's a Kracken?" i queried.



"My dad told me about them. They are like squid, only dead big," Wifebuddy informed.



"How big?" i enquired.



"They eat ships!" she announced.



"Fuck that." The only response for something that eats ships.




I don't want to see one of those. Ever. Even if I'm in a ship. I wonder if Blue O Two know about them?







4. JIM DONWLING


I like Jim. Jim took me for my TDI Helitrox course, and it was dead good; but he's a nightmare to dive with. I can't be sure, but I'm fairly convinced Batman was based upon Jim. He's a stealthy bastard, which makes diving with him especially taxing.

Don't be fooled by his creepy smile...
Jim Dowling


Things Jim has done to me:


  • Purged my regulator when i was on deco to see what i would do.
  • Wrote 'scooter' on my TDI certification card, and my cap.
  • Is nicer to Kerri than to me.
  • He also recruited the nice photographer fellow Jason Brown into bullying me as well; which effectively makes him his trusty sidekick - Robin.






When Jim is in the sea, i get concerned.






5. A CAVE DIVER


If, when diving, i come face to face with a cave diver that can only mean one thing; I'm in cave. I don't want to be in a cave.

It's Phil - oh shit!
source: SUEX

I have done plenty of overhead environment diving, both physical and virtual, very successfully. I have followed that lunatic Tall Poomer around the inside of shipwrecks without the faintest idea how to get out should he have chosen to abandon me, and remained quite happy.


A cave is different.


There are plenty of cave divers, i even know some that are still alive, and it's plenty safe apparently; but they just seem more dangerous. I am determined to get over this fear by allowing Wifebuddy to do a cave course. If she makes it through; i'll maybe have a go. In the mean time i'll be in the open water.




6. SNAKES


I'm not counting this as that's what spurred the list; but i don't want to meet one in the water nonetheless.



I'm with Indiana Jones; snakes are bad.










SUMMARY


There you go; the top 5 things i don't want to see underwater. I appreciate the top 5 things i WOULD like to see underwater would be much prettier; but where's the fun in that?



What's your 'not' top 5?






Safe diving folks!







Jimmy Savile; wouldn't fancy meeting him either... god knows where that would end up.



















Come dive Northern Ireland! - A trip diving Rathlin Island

Although Wifebuddy and I are purveyors of Strangford Lough, we do try and dive elsewhere when possible; alas work and financial constrictions often thwart our plans. However, the weekend past was a different affair.















Whilst wasting away, yet another evening on the delayer of productive things, i.e.Facebook, Wifebuddy finally spoke;



"Huh, Aquaholics have spaces left this Sunday; they're diving The Lochgarry and The Drake." 
"We should go" was my response, raising an eye from my ithingy. 
"Ok, ring Richard and book us on."




So i did. I rang Richard, the king of Aquaholics, and booked our spots via credit card; dead easy. Five minutes later i received a confirmation email which provided all the info i needed; where to meet, times and stuff. Having never dived with Aquaholics previously, i was dead impressed.





The remainder of the night was spent watching youtube videos of the dive sites, and attempting to determine what sort of boat we would be diving from. Regular readers of this blog will recall Wifebuddy doesn't do so well on RHIBs, and i wouldn't be the greatest fan of boat diving in general either. Nevertheless, we were undeterred and really looking forward to diving new shipwrecks.




Molly says "GET UP!"
Sunday morning initiated with a 6am alarm clock. When i say alarm clock, i really mean a Staffordshire Bull Terrier that wants something other than being in her crate. I pretended to be asleep, just long enough for Kerri to get up and see what urgent attention Molly required at stupid o'clock in the morning.











An hour later i dragged myself from the bed of loveliness, grabbed some brekky, hauled two twinsets into the back of the jeep and hit the road, destined for Ballycastle.



90 mins later we arrived at Mortons Chip Shop, situated at the pier. The small car park was crawling with half clad divers, obviously gathering kit together for the pending dive; at least we were in the right place. I left Wifebuddy to get changed and sauntered along the pier in hope of finding Richard to find out what the score was.



In the process of hunting for someone important, i met a chap who introduced himself via his Twitter alias.

I love meeting people from the internet. Since beginning this nonsense blog i have had the pleasure of encountering many internet warriors, and it's even better to meet them at a dive site - proving they actually dive!








Chris and I had a brief chat, unfortunately he wasn't diving and was there as a gear monkey. This suited me greatly; i now had an allie on board to help me don the mighty twin set; gearing up on a RHIB is a skill i don't quite have nailed yet.





All the divers were on time, and as per Richards instruction we were aboard his rather fine, semi-rigid RHB thing and on our way to the first dive site by 09:30. I was dead impressed. I was more impressed that the guys on the boat were super friendly, and some nice fella had even brought Kerri's twinset aboard.



THE LOCHGARRY


source: Divernet

The SS Lochgarry was a troop transport ship that struck rock of the Mull of Kintyre, drifted and finally sank 21st January 1942 off the east coast of Rathlin Island. 23 men drowned when their lifeboats hit rocks; 32 survived. She lies in 34m of water. The hold was filled with chain by the navy as she was caring rifles and live ammunition. She is 265 feet long, 33.5 feet wide, 15.5 foot draft, 1670 gross tonnes.




We arrived at the site, and Richard re-stated the proceedings of entry and exit one more time. His briefings were super efficient, direct and informative. As we were new to the boat Richard consistently checked we were ok, and was extremely helpful whilst kitting up and making sure we were happy.









Once in my twinset i was grand, and although there was quite a chop going on, i was ready to go diving. I fell off the RHIB first, Kerri followed and as she headed for the shot Richard handed me down my camera. At this point i managed to make the whole thing rather complicated. The idea was to swim for the buoy, and descend down the shot to the wreck. I finned for all i was worth but seemed to be heading away from the shot, rather than for it.




Surely enough i very quickly became knackered. I signalled to Richard i wasn't happy, he was keeping a sharp eye on me and suggested i left the camera. I handed it back to him and had another go. Useless. Just as i was debating calling the whole thing off i could hear the instruction to descend a few meters out of the waves and head for the shot.



Yip, that worked perfectly and i met up with Kerri at the shot line. I was very out of breath, and had no camera. Not a great start to the dive.







WIfebuddy and I took a minute to reunite and i signalled, quite badly, i'd left the camera back on the boat. She thought i'd lost the camera completely, and spent her whole dive deliberating how to buy me a new one; isn't she sweet?



Finally, we made it 25m down to the deck of The Lochgarry. Visibility was 2m i reckon, which was poor for the area, but we didn't care. The wreck was huge. Having not dived it before, our usual plan applied; swim away from the shot for a bit, come back, check the shot, and head off in a different direction for a bit, and so forth. I find this tactic works very well in bad viz, or in unfamiliar territory.


We found the big chains dumped into the hold, which were simply mahoosive; quite a spectacular sight. Kerri finned ahead and located the tiled floor area we had read about on the internet reports. A light dusting, and the black and white tiles came into view; fantastic. It still amazes me that there are always elements of a wreck that remain completely intact, despite waves, fish, debris and the weight of the ocean levied upon it for the last several decades.

Source: Nation Maritime Museum of Ireland



Our planned 30 mins bottom time came and went, as usual, much too quickly. I must admit, i spent most of it wishing i'd brought the camera, and equally frustrated i'd made such a ball-ache of the descent. However; you live, you learn.




The ascent was good, stops at 12, 9 and 6 as planned. As we broke the surface i looked up to check where WIfebuddy was, only for a huge scything battle axe fall before my eyes! It was the hull of our dive boat. Holy shit, it had got choppy. The surface was, to quote Graham from Ocean Addicts, a little "squally." The waves escorted me to the other side of the RHIB from Kerri, and hand over hand i fed myself around the boat to the ladder were Kerri was de-kitting.



The exit was tough going in the choppy swell. I'd never boarded via a side mounted spine ladder, but with RIchard there instructing, literally step by step, i was soon back on the boat. Thank Christ. We weren't the only ones struggling though, other twinset divers appeared to be having as much fun getting aboard as we did.



With all the divers aboard we headed back to the pier for an hour of off gassing, coffee and some dive banter.

Source: Aquaholics





Kerri and I got chatting to a fellow diver, Peter, about GUE and stuff which was very cool, as we are usually shunned for our smurf gloved devlish ways! I especially enjoyed Peter explaining he was planning to bring GUE instructor 'Mark Bickmore' over for a fundamentals class.



Those in the know will appreciate it turned out 'Mark Bickmore' was actually 'Graham Blackmore.' Not one for names eh Peter?







Nitrogen levels accounted for, we headed back out again to hit The Drake.







THE DRAKE


Source: Irish wrecks online


HMS Drake was an armoured cruiser that was torpedoed by U-79. She was supposed to be beached in Church Bay (NI) but on 2nd October 1917 she rolled over and sank. Of 900 crew 19 were killed in the incident. As she presented as a hazard to shipping in the area, the remains of the wreck were blown up in 1979 by the navy. She lies in 18m of water in Church Bay, Rathlin Island. HMS Drake was a 4 funnelled armoured cruiser of 14,100 tonnes.




Richard insisted the second dive of the day was more sheltered, thus we would be spared the fight to the shot line, and wrestling match with the ladder. Yeah right... Richard almost apologised for the weather once we arrived on site, and stated it was usually very good around that area. Well, not when Wifebuddy is about; the woman is definitely a scud when it comes to RHIB diving!



Kitting up was a bit of a task, and the sickness began to overtake the both of us. Richard was quick to pick up on it declaring;


"You feeling sick? - let's get you into the water!"


No messing with this guy, we were immediately dressed in twinsets, moved to the side of the RHIB and instructed to roll off. It was undoubtedly the best thing for us, as my inner monologue was talking me out of the dive completely.

source: @christhesham

I may be stupid, but i don't need to be told twice. As soon as i hit the waves i signalled 'OK', descended 3m immediately, and headed for the shot line. Job done. Kerri and I dropped 15m onto The Drake. The shot line was moored off to what looked like the prop shaft, according to Wifebuddy. A little research once home proved her to be most likely correct; as per usual.




The visibility was poor, but we made the most of it and had a good look around anyway. It was difficult to orientate, and i decided we would be bagging off at the end of the dive. I must admit i couldn't really determine what we were looking at, the visibility was just too restrictive; although some nice directions from other more experienced divers brought our attention to some ammo shells and a conger eel.




Again, it would have been nice to get a few pics, but the visibility was just too poor most likely.




30 mins in Wifebuddy signalled she was cold, so the dive was called, and we began our ascent. Amazingly, just as we decided to go, the shot line appeared from nowhere; happy days. A lazy ascent, and we popped up on the surface to be met by more choppy seas.




I was switched on this time, taking time to assess the behaviour of the boat and where i needed to be. I held back, knowing Kerri would need time to de-kit and board the RHIB. When i was confident Kerri was done, i allowed the current to glide me to the rear of the boat. I negotiated with the ladder, again following Richards instruction step by step, until i was seated alongside Kerri safely on the far side of the boat. Excellent stuff.







Slowly the remaining dive squad surfaced and fought the ladder, climaxing in a boatful of panting divers. It was an enjoyable sight. As if to reinforce just how rough the seas had got, Richard poked his head out of the wheelhouse stating;


"I need equal bodies either side of the boat, everyone near the front, and make sure all the kit is well stowed."

He got my attention.








Actually, once we were moving i felt a lot better, and the whole event became more of a comedy, chortling as the sea threw us about at will. Richard did a phenomenal job of negotiating the 8 mile trek back to shore.







Back at the pier all was fab, and the arduous task of walking the 2 twinsets up the slipway to the jeep was all that remained. Would someone remind me to buy a trolley one of these days please...











Changed and kit stowed we said our goodbyes and hit the local chippy for some splendid scampi and chips. Richard thanked us for coming along, and explained bitterly the seas are usually much calmer and visibility is usually much better. To be honest, i didn't care. I had gained yet more positive boat diving experience, dived another two of Irelands most famous shipwrecks, met a load of friendly divers, a twitter stalker, and had a bloody good time in the process.




Oh, and Wifebuddy didn't vomit; well done Richard.




Come dive Northern Ireland! - I don't usually post videos, but sometimes they say more than words can ever explain... (not safe for work incidentally.)









Safe diving folks!